Seriously, Nathan? We get it. You are a 6'7 tower of organically grown USDA prime rib with the supple skin of a newborn baby. Your classical symmetry and elite athleticism are only eclipsed by your gentle, soft eyes. Yes, Nathan, if it wasn't for those GAP Khakis, you would be perfect. But, in all fairness to the rest of the mortals, you should probably be stabbed with a steak knife.
So you won a disc of shiny metal for being the fastest to flop his body from one end of a pool to the other. Big. Fucking. Deal. That doesn't mean that you can wipe down your wet, chiseled muscles with our stars and stripes.
And by the way, what the hell is with that gross, rippled 12-pack? You and your flag towel going to a NASCAR pool party?
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